Miss Perfect Sandra Dee.

Truth is. I’m a perfectionist. I’ll probably read this post over and over 100 times. And I think perfectionism has kept me from doing some things I really want to do.  Maybe also mix in some scared, and sprinkle in some distraction and I don’t want to have to say this word…but laziness. I used to be afraid of making mistakes (and let’s be honest…I still am!! Who wants to make mistakes!?).

When I was in high school I played Sandra Dee in our high school musical “Grease”. I loved singing and being on stage, but because I felt as if I didn’t do as good as I wanted I completely gave up. I felt really bad, and was secretly really hard on myself. I didn’t want to continue theatre after high school, I didn’t think I had “what it took” and I listened to the people criticizing me instead of the ones who supported me and looked out for my best interest. I wasn’t measuring up to the part that Olivia Newton John perfectly portrayed: wholesome, angel toned, disciplined, good girl Sandra Dee!

(I love this photo for two reasons:it shows us back stage for Grease, and my high school photography teacher Ms.Rossman played a part in the musical, and that’s her in the middle! I still am very passionate about both music and photography)

Looking back I hear my now self coaching my old self…”get up!! Stop feeling sorry for yourself!! Learn from your mistakes!! Work hard and do your best, and continue to learn. Go for what you love. Don’t you know that making mistakes and not automatically being the best is a natural process in life…!?!?!” But that was me THEN, and NOW I can only move forward.

Ok….so enough of that…now for the inspiration for this post. I am jumping up and down inside like a little girl excited the night before Christmas, anxiously waiting the morning of her princess birthday party. I can’t sleep, I wake up early!!

I found a photographer who is SO inspiring it’s CRAAAZY!! So my wedding photographer Heather Armstrong (who is AH-MAZE-ING!!! http://www.heatherarmstongphotography.com) told me about Jasmine Star who is currently in the top 10 most influencial photographers in the industry. She has an incredible, nice, impressive (and intimidating!) website. I say intimidating because I long to have a website like that…I admire her work, and I long to someday do what she does. I’m happy for her, and I’m not proud to say this…but I envy her!!

She has her old blog from when she first started her journey to become a photographer.  Literally from when she didn’t have a nice fancy website and a beautiful camera. She was vulnerable and had doubts-but she knew she would be a photographer someday. She knew even though there would be many setbacks and days where she felt scared about her future, she would succeed. She had a vision of the future, not the here and now. Nothing was getting in her way. I started from the beginning of her blog to see how her journey went and I am so surprised at how much her writing is motivating me to shoot for my dreams without being scared! To just go for it. I love how raw, open, and honest she is in her postings. I know I am not alone on this journey. THANK YOU JASMINE!!! You’re my hero!!!

So here it is. I can’t wait to open myself up, make mistakes, become a photographer, travel the world shooting, shoot along side Heather Armstrong and Jasmine Star!?!?! And someday sing on stage, in the same room even, with Brooke Fraser. YES. To be the person God has created me to be. After I put that statement out in the world I immediately feel my natural response is to… think that maybe is… totally CRAZY!! But NO!! I feel like I can do anything in the current emotional state that I am in!! So why not go there. I’m going to do that. Period. No exceptions. The End. I see the future vision and nothing is getting in my way.

So here’s to always working toward being that perfect Sandra Dee! Although no one will ever be perfect, we can give our best, be kind and honest to others. And with a lot of work, reach our goals and dreams.


10 responses

  1. Love the post. I think anyone who has looked into wedding photography has heard of and drooled over jasmine star. In fact when our photographer was in ca for our engagement shot,she was attending one of her workshops. You’ll have to take tons of pictures when we come up to visit!

  2. hey, monika. I know exactly where you are coming from. The doubts, self-conscious and criticism we allow ourselves to feel are all there for me. I am scared beyond words but don’t know what I am scared of, you know. But we get through it; I read somewhere that fear is actually good for us, it pushes us out of our shells, nourishes self-improvement and makes us realize that we don’t have to be afraid of anyone, of anything. And, yes, Jasmine Star rocks!!!!!

    Keep it up, Monika. Oh, I would really like to meet you someday. We should make it happen.

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